What Lies Beneath
by Bored-ism
Summary: Tota Matsuda always gives everyone a good laugh at the investigation headquarters. But nobody ever wonders what his life is like when he isn't cracking jokes. Matsuda's life during the whole Death Note Series  Rating T, SPOILERS NEAR THE END!
1. Author's Note  Prologue

**Author's Note:**

**So I was going through all these Matsuda fanfics one day, and I realized – they were all one shots, and the only funny ones were only about a paragraph or two long. The other one shots were all MatsudaXL, MatsudaXLight, MatsudaXIde, MatsudaXSayu, and MatsudaXMikami.**

**MIKAMI?! DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK?**

**So, since Matsuda is so cool and we ALL know that under that…unintelligent….outer shell of his, lies a deep, complex, emotional and intelligent human being.**

…

**cough**

…**I just wanted to write a serious Matsuda fanfic, okay?!**

**-sigh-**

**Okay, well, here goes.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own Death Note. But I **_**so**_** own your face.**

**--  
**

There's always that one person at your job, or your school, that's always smiling. They're the comic relief in everyone's day, they're the ones that always crack jokes during a tense conversation. They're the ones that are enthusiastic about everything. They're the ones that, if they show up depressed, shock everybody, because according to the people around them, being sad is just not natural for said person.

They make people happy. They themselves are always happy.

Always.

Or so say the people too oblivious to think about what that person is really like. Do they really not understand what's going on, or are they pretending to be stupid to make everyone happy? Are they really this happy all the time, is this really their personality?

Is their mom dead.

Is their dad in prison.

Are their parents divorced.

Are they dying of a disease.

Do they have a dead sibling.

Are they abused or beaten.

Have they experienced some horrible tragedy.

No.

Of course not. Because no one this happy can ever have had something like this happen to them.

…………….right?


	2. Introductions

It was raining. Miniscule droplets of water plummeted from the gray sky and shattered against Tota Matsuda's bedroom window, creating a rapid clicking sound and a low humming from the vibrating glass. A dim light poured in from the water-streaked window, casting itself down upon the bed where Matsuda lay, eyes halfway open as he stared outside.

It was one of those rainy days where you just felt tired. You wake up, your eyes slide open, but nothing else on your body moves. You stare out the window for a moment or so, listening to the soothing rhythm of the rain, before closing your eyes again and sighing deeply. You bury yourself under your sheets once more and breath in their unique fragrance of fresh linen, a smell that Tota Matsuda would die for.

But not today. Today, Matsuda was going to meet L for the first time. Remembering this, he tossed back the covers and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, resting for a moment as he rubbed his eyes with his hands, a poor attempt to wake himself up. For a few minutes, he sat still, his only movement was that of the rising and falling of his back as he took slow, deep breaths. Finally, he turned around to face the human shaped lump under the sheets beside him. Near the top, a pale face with long, beautiful brown hair splayed across it peeked out from under the covers. Matsuda slowly reached over, and pressed two fingers under the crook of her chin, near her ear.

She moaned.

"I'm not dead, Matsuda."

Indeed, Matsuda felt a slow, but heavy beating underneath his fingers. He drew back his hand.

"You just looked pale. I have to check every morning." he said, his voice still soft and shaky, after all, he had just woken up. "I'm going to go take a shower, Mitsuko."

Mitsuko Teitsuka. Matsuda's girlfriend of three years, well-paid employee of _Argent Poissons, _overall happy person….

Former criminal.

_She was only 16, she had never had a beer before, but her friends were all there and someone had tossed one to her, everyone was staring her down. She gulped it down…then another, and another. Even though she was only sixteen and needed an adult with her when she drove, Mitsuko thought it would be okay to drive a few of her friends home. Of course, they were drunk as well, too drunk to stop her._

_Five people died in that car accident; all three of Mitsuko's friends, and a middle-aged couple driving to their son's Parent-Teacher conference. Mitsuko lived to pay the consequences. Her permit had been taken away, she could not drive for three years, and spent five months in jail. After she had served her term and was finally set free, she walked down the busy streets of Japan, trying desperately to hail a taxi. Finally, one pulled up. Mitsuko, relieved, reached for the door, but some idiot standing next to her thought that the cab was for him, and reached the handle before she did, pulling the door open and bending down to step inside, ignoring Mitsuko completely._

"_Bastard, that's my cab!" she had screamed._

_He looked up, startled._

"_Oh!" he gasped, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry."_

_Mitsuko stared back, equally as startled._

"_No, no…" she said, slightly dazed. This man…whoever he was…was extremely handsome. "I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day. You can take it."_

"_No, I insist." the man said, stepping back and holding open the door. "After all, you called it first."_

"_No, really, it's—"_

"_WILL SOMEBODY GET INTO THE DAMN CAB?!" the driver roared. Mitsuko and the man jumped inside instantly, slamming the door closed._

"_Jesus Christ, finally." mumbled the driver. "Now where're ya going?"_

"_East Yutami." both Mitsuko and the man said in unison. They both gasped, and turned to face each other, smiling._

"_You live in Yutami?" asked the man. Normally, Mitsuko would be smart enough not to give away her living locations to a man she had just met, but there was something about him…_

"_Yeah. Apartment building five."_

"_No way!" the man said, suddenly smiling even more widely. "I live in apartment building three!"_

_Mitsuko smiled._

"_That's cool." she paused, then stuck out her hand. "I'm Mitsuko. Mitsuko Teitsuka."_

_The man smiled and took Mitsuko's hand, shaking it enthusiastically._

"_I'm Matsuda."_

"What for?" Mitsuko said, pushing herself into a sitting position, her chocolate brown eyes blinking at Matsuda. "Just step out onto the balcony – bam, you're clean."

Matsuda laughed.

"No thanks, a normal shower is just fine for me, thank-you-very-much."

"Suit yourself, but I'm going back to sleep." Mitsuko said, slumping back on the pillows once more. "It's Saturday, and normal people don't work on Saturdays, Matsuda."

Matsuda frowned.

"I don't have a normal job, Mitsuko." he said, standing up. His voice was lower, more serious. "Kira isn't resting, and I've got to stop him."

Matsuda turned to face Mitsuko. "I have to stop him, I have to protect you."

Mitsuko's smirk faded, and her face was now soft.

"Matsuda, that's very sweet. But Kira is only killing major criminals, I think I'll be fine."

"Really?" Matsuda said, striding over to the window and staring out at the rain pelting the rooftops of the building next to their apartments. "And what happens, Mitsuko, when all of the major criminals are gone? He'll start killing off smaller ones, one with only minor criminal history. Kira won't stop until the world is pure. Once all of the major criminals are gone, you're life is at great risk."

Matsuda's eyes were now narrowed, and his fists were clenched. He glared at the sky and his chest rose up and down rapidly.

_Damn you, Kira._ he thought. _People's lives aren't something to play with, criminal or not._

A pair of arms suddenly slid around his waist and linked together in front of his stomach, a pair of lips pressed against the back of his neck.

"That won't happen." Mitsuko whispered. "You'll catch Kira before then, I believe in you, Matsuda."

--

"I am L."

Matsuda stared. When he was little, Masuda always pictured detectives with large overcoats and magnifying glasses, with those oddly shaped hats and puffing on a pipe. Now that he was an adult, this ignorance had obviously left him. He knew that L was nothing like any of these childish images, but…still. Something was odd about him. His hair, black as midnight, lay over his face and part of his eyes, messy and unkempt. His eyes had dark circles under them, as if he had never slept in his entire life. His hands were in his pockets, and he was scratching the top of his left foot with his right toe…and his clothes, so casual. A baggy white shirt and denim jeans. How odd.

But Matsuda knew not to be prejudiced about appearances. After all, this was L – _the_ L – smartest, best detective that ever lived, he had never not solved a case. Matsuda, of course, had to show some respect.

Yagami was the first to speak up. He held up his badge to L and spoke confidently.

"I'm detective superintendent Yagami of the N.P.A."

"I'm Matsuda." Matsuda said quickly afterward. The other followed suit.

"I'm Aizawa."

"I'm Ukita."

"I'm Mogi."

L stared at them, and Matsuda thought that for just a split second, an eyebrow rose under his bangs. He raised a hand and pointed at the group, thumb extended.

"Bang!" he said.

"What?" Matsuda said, an eyebrow raising.

"Is this some type of joke?" asked Aizawa, equally stunned.

"If I were Kira," L began in a low, calm voice. "You'd be dead, Yagami-san."

Beside Matsuda, Yagami gulped.

"All Kira needs to murder someone is their name in face. Surely you ought to know that by now." continued L. "Common sense says you can't kill someone if you just know their name…"

The rest of L's sentence slowly faded to a buzzing noise. He still continued to speak, but Matsuda's brain was drowning in his own thoughts.

_I'm going to be working under L for quite some time._ He thought. And Matsuda hated to be himself, hated to show the pessimist that he really was. Matsuda liked making people happy, and he wasn't about to darken the mood on this investigation team any further. L had already seen footage of him acting as the happy, clueless, and friendly human being at the N.P.A. headquarters, so that's just the role he would have to play.

Even so, it wasn't much of what you would call a "role." Matsuda loved making people happy, he loved seeing them smile, he loved smiling himself. And he wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the pack, the sharpest tool in the shed, or whatever you wanted to call it. In fact, Matsuda often found himself pondering how L came up with all of the twisted logic that he released to the N.P.A. As for the friendly thing – well, Matsuda was naturally friendly, that shouldn't be a problem. Maybe it wasn't so much of a role after all.

L's voice finally faded back in.

"Let's value our lives." he finished. Everybody was silent, looking around uncomfortably. It was like in elementary school, where the teacher asked a question that no one knew the answer too, everybody begins to look around for a raised hand.

Matsuda cleared his throat, and spoke up, adding on to what L had mentioned before.

"He needs to know their names?" asked Matsuda, trying to appear slightly confused. "I knew about faces, but did anyone ever mention names?"

Of course, Matsuda knew the answer to his question already. He knew that the only criminals who died were those whose names and faces were made public by the media. Other nameless criminals whose pictures but not names were publicized, remained alive.

Yagami explained that to him, in almost the exact words, a few seconds later, right before L invited them all into the living room. Of course, they followed him, but – as good guests should – did not sit down, seeing as they had not been invited to do so. L, on the other hand, stood up on an arm chair, before sliding down into a sitting position with his knees up to his chest, hands resting on them comfortably.

_He's stranger than I originally assumed._ thought Matsuda, staring at L, who began to bite his thumbnail.

"Please, sit down." he said. "Oh, and as long as you'll be working under me, please call me Ryuuzaki, for safety's sake."

As the five members of the N.P.A. took their seats, Matsuda spoke up again.

"I just had an idea. If Kira is using the media to find criminals names and faces so he can kill them, why don't we just tell the media to stop reporting their names and faces?"

It wasn't another fake, clueless question. Matsuda actually thought that it could be a sensible idea, but it seemed too obvious.

"Then Kira will just start to kill regular people."

"Wh-what?" Matsuda stammered.

"Kira is childish and hates to lose." L explained. "If we take away his sources that he uses to kill criminals, he will just start to kill normal people as revenge."

Matsuda understood now. But he did nothing, not a nod of the head, or a grunt of approval. He waited for L to continue.

"I know this because I am also childish and hate to lose."

Matsuda gulped silently.

_As am I._ he thought. Because losing to Kira meant losing Mitsuko. And losing Mitsuko meant losing himself.

Matsuda was going to win. No matter what.


	3. Home

**Author's Note:**

**Yay! I've only just started this story and already I've got some great positive feedback! WOO! Thanks Meri Umeko, SabakuNoBaka, Tree Flower – thanks so much for the nice comment. Also, your-average-coffee-addict, thank you SO much. I love when people leave comments as thoughtful as yours. You too, rubygirl54. Yes, if it weren't for the internet, I'd hug you too, for the compliment.**

**virtually glomps rubygirl54**

**But that's good enough for now -**

**Thank you all. And if you posted a comment that I didn't mention in this Author's Note, that means I probably haven't read it yet…sorry! Oh, and thanks to SabakuNoBaka for coming up with Mitsuko's name. Cheers for her.**

**I am seriously flattered. I know this is only the second chapter and I've sort of repeating myself, but I really am. You guys have no idea what your comments mean to me, even if they're sort of mean, or even just helpful tips.**

**New chapter…yay….!**

**Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Mr. Person-who-wrote-death-note-whose-name-I-do-not-feel-like-looking-up-right-now, and also owned by Mr. Person-who-illustrates-death-note-whose-name-I-do-not-feel-like-looking-up-right-now.**

**x------x**

_**One Week After The First Meeting**_

Matsuda power-walked across an intersection in a sea of suit-wearing, brief-case-carrying businessmen and women. This surprised him slightly, it was at least eight at night, were business people normally out this late, and on a Saturday as well? But then, he saw similar badges hanging from each of the people's outfits that surround him, and soon, Matsuda detached himself from the group as all of the workers walked into a nearby skyscraper.

Matsuda found himself glancing around the city as he walked, oblivious to his closest surroundings. It was definitely dark out, there was no doubt about that. People roamed the street, but not as many as one would expect for a Saturday night. And even the people out consisted of people who were mainly over thirty, and in groups of three or more. After all, this wasn't the best city to be walking around in alone overnight….but then again, what city _is?_

A sudden, sharp gasp from Matsuda's left pulled him out of his observations, and he turned to the sound of the noise. Beside him was a dark alley, and directly inside, he could see a wide-eyed man who had staggered against the wall, holding his left arm out against it for support while his right arm clutched his chest. The man gasped again and clutched his chest harder. He began to cough, and blood flew from his mouth.

_Kira!_ Matsuda, alarmed, rushed over to the man.

"Are you alright?" he asked, grabbing the man's shoulders and trying to hold him stable. Without replying, the man reached a trembling hand over to his pocket, pulling out a small, gleaming silver knife. Matsuda instantly let go of the man and backed away, just before the man pointed the knife in Matsuda's direction, then collapsed.

Matsuda stood still, heart thumping so loudly against his ribcage that he was sure that the whole city could hear it. It was already cold outside, but suddenly the wind felt colder, and Matsuda, still trembling, bent down and turned over the man's body.

He recognized the face instantly. This was the man on the news just a few days ago, recently arrested for the rape and murder of a 13 year old girl. He was in prison for a week, then escaped. Kira must have heard of him, and now, he had been disposed of. Matsuda's hands shot away from the man as though he had burned them, and Matsuda stood up and took a few steps backwards.

Now, Matsuda had to think. What do you do if somebody's just died right in front of you, and nobody's around? Well, in Matsuda's position, there was only one clear answer – get up and walk away. He was a member of the N.P.A., whose main case was currently to catch Kira. If he had somehow gotten legally involved in a case like this, imagine how suspicious that would look. A man from the Kanto Region of Japan – somewhere where Kira was known to be – talking to a criminal, and touching him on the shoulder moments before he died. Lawyers and paparazzi would flock to him like a pack of hungry vultures…..not that they weren't vultures anyway.

So, Matsuda began to walk away, still shaken. But he'd forget the previous events in due time. For now, he had somewhere to be. After walking a few blocks, Matsuda entered a bright, silver-painted brick building that stood out offensively in contrast to the neutral colored buildings that surrounded it on either side.

Inside, a beautiful sight met his weary eyes. Dim, gentle light flooded the restaurant and a group of violinists played on a mahogany platform in a corner, right next to a fountain – an angel standing in a graceful pose, pointing towards the sky as water poured out of the tips of it's wings. The pattern on the carpet was decorated with delicate and intricate winding purple grape vines that perfectly matched the deep red wine based color of the flooring. Low murmurs of conversations of customers filled the room, creating a friendly and welcoming feeling. This was _Argent Poissons___or "Silver Fish" in English, one of the many restaurants in a chain of poorly attempted imitations of French dining.

Even with all of the elegance around him, Matsuda's eyes soon found what he had been looking for; a certain brown-haired woman standing at a mahogany podium, facing the door. He smiled, and walked up to her. Mitsuko was wearing a tight, black skirt that reached to her knees, and a red, satin short-sleeved top with a black bow tied around the middle. A small, iridescent purple fish and the letters "_A.S._" were embroidered near her shoulder.

"Hey, Matsu-kun." she greeted him, leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek. "How was work?"

"Troublesome." Matsuda grumbled. "L is amazing, as usual, but it's still very frustrating."

Mitsuko put on a look of understanding.

"I know, it must be hard trying to catch a criminal with such an odd way of killing. I mean, we all saw that Lind L. Taylor incident, Kira doesn't even have to be there! I was surprised." she sighed. "Must be really difficult. Kira's clever."

Matsuda nodded. Mitsuko was right, Kira was clever and he doubted that anybody on the investigation team would be able to find some crucial information pertaining to the identity of Kira…but, when he said 'frustrating,' that wasn't exactly what he meant. You see, Matsuda was doing a great job at acting like a clueless, happy-go-lucky person at headquarters. But nowadays, everybody on the team treated him like the third wheel. Nobody listened to what he had to say, because, of course, it was Matsuda who was saying it, and Matsuda wasn't _smart_, no of _course_ not! Of course, he had wanted to play the roll of a happy, optimistic, slightly clueless person. But he didn't mean for it to go as far as to the point where they started treating him like an idiot.

"Matsu-kun?"

Matsuda jerked out of his thoughts and looked up at Mitsuko.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, nothing, you just seemed sort of out of it."

"Sorry, Mitsuko…you know, work always leaves me tired and thinking."

Mitsuko smiled, but almost looked slightly jealous. Matsuda could only guess why.

"I wish you were allowed to tell me what went on in there." she said, pouting.

Bingo! Matsuda was right. He hated keeping things from Mitsuko, but this was huge - no, this was bigger than huge - this was _really_ huge.

"Me too, Mitsuko, me too." Matsuda sighed in an over dramatic way, just to tease her.

Mitsuko smirked.

"You're lying."

"Why would I want to keep something from you?"

Mitsuko smiled even more.

"Yeah, you're right, Matsu-kun. After all, I was just kidding."

"Cool." he said casually, shrugging for no reason. "Hey, when does your shift end?"

Mitsuko glanced around for a clock. When she had located one, she looked back at Matsuda.

"Five minutes. Your timing was perfect."

"Great. I'll wait outside."

With that, Matsuda turned and walked out of the restaurant. Only when he emerged into the outside air did he realize how truly cold it was outside. In comparison to the warm, heated _Argent Poissons, _outside was Antarctica. His hands and face stung with the cold wind that nearly knocked him over as he shivered. How on earth did he survive walking home? Matsuda walked over to a bench and sat down, arms crossed and shoulders hunched against the wind.

A few minutes of this torturous cold-enduring passed by, and soon, Mitsuko stepped outside as well. She too gasped in the cold.

"Jesus Christ!" she exclaimed. "I was going to suggest we go for a walk in the park, but, I don't think that it's a great idea now."

"Yeah, I'll just call Kyou if that's alright." suggested Matsuda, standing up and walking to Mitsuko's side.

"Great."

Matsuda pulled out his cell phone and pressed speed dial number eight, holding it to his ear. Even the phone had frozen in the cold, the cool metal numbed the side of his face. It rang three times and then—

"Matsuda!" came an overly enthusiastic deep voice. "Whassup bro?"

"Mitsuko and I need a ride, Kyou." Matsuda explained. "That O.K.?"

"No prob, you guys outside her work?"

"Yeah."

"Great, I'm on that route right now. See ya in a few."

There was a click on the other end of the phone. Matsuda hung up as well, and then stored the phone in his pocket.

"Is he coming?" Mitsuko asked. Matsuda nodded in response.

And indeed, a few minutes later, a cab painted a violent shade of lime-green pulled up beside the two, screeching to a halt in front of them. The front window rolled down, and Matsuda's eyes found the cab driver, the same cab driver that had driven Matsuda and Mitsuko together on the first day that they met.

"Hey, Kyou!" Matsuda said happily, smiling at him.

"Hey, Matsuda, Matsuda's girlfriend!" Kyou greeted back, equally as cheerful.

Mitsuko smiled.

"I have a name, Kyou!"

"Sure ya do, hop in!"

The couple smiled, and pulled open the cab's back door, sitting down on the cool leather seats and buckling themselves in. Hot air blew down hard on Matsuda's forehead, making his eyes water, but instead of turning the overhead vent away from him, he kept it where it was, the warmth a relief from the bitter cold city.

"So, what's been happening?" Kyou asked, peering in his rearview mirror as he pulled out of the parallel parking space. "You two married yet?"

Mitsuko's face reddened slightly, as did Matsuda's, but it was ever so light that neither of them noticed the other.

"Nope." Matsuda answered. He was about to open his mouth and say, 'Not yet,' but he decided the better of it. After all, marriage was a personal matter between Mitsuko and Matsuda. Both were slightly pessimists, and Mitsuko believed that Matsuda was too good for her, and given her track record, he was either gay, or was only dating her for money. Matsuda, on the other hand, didn't believe that Mitsuko would live long enough to get married.

"Ah, you guys are lame. I need an excuse to buy a fancy tux." Kyou joked.

Mitsuko cocked her head slightly to the left.

"What about your wife? Don't you ever take her out?"

Kyou laughed.

"Last time I took her out to a fancy place, she yelled at me because the food on the menu was too expensive and we couldn't afford it. Ha….now it's just Starbucks and diners."

Mitsko chuckled.

"It's a shame. You're wife really is beautiful."

Kyou smiled dreamily.

"Isn't she? Now if only we had a budget to match those looks. Ha. What about you guys?"

Matsuda scratched his arm uncomfortably. If there was one flaw in Kyou's great personality, it was the ability to casually talk about things that were uncomfortable for other people.

"Well…" Matsuda began. "I used to get a pretty good salary at the N.P.A., but now that more policemen are resigning because they're not reassigned to something besides the Kira investigation, I have a feeling my pay will get cut. After all, I do work on the Kira case with the N.P.A., but I've got a feeling that that they're going to give it up."

"Ah…sucks." Kyou said simply. "If everyone's so worried about losing their lives or whatnot, why aren't you quitting as well?"

"Because." Matsuda answered with a sudden firmness. "Becaue I've got a damn good reason not to."

The tone in Matsuda's voice was enough to keep the other two occupants of the taxi quiet for the rest of the ride home. Finally, Kyou pulled up to the apartment complex where Matsuda and Mitsuko lived. The two stepped out, and Matsuda reached for his pocket.

"No, dude." Kyou said, holding up a hand to stop him. "You don't have to pay me!"

Matsuda's hand froze, and he looked up at Kyou with an odd expression.

"But don't you need to pay for gas?"

Kyou rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I'll charge extra next time." he paused, smirking at Matsuda. "That's what I've got other customers for, bro! It's fine, okay? If you really want to pay me, do it next time."

Matsuda seemed unsure.

"Are you--?"

"YES."

"…..alright. Thanks a bunch, Kyou."

"No problem. See you later." Kyou called as he began to pull away. He winked back at Mitsuko. "You too, missy!"

"Bye, Kyou!" Mitsuko waved her right hand high over her head, and remained doing so until the cab had disappeared around the corner, and her hand fell to her side.

She sighed.

"Well, that was nice of him."

Matsuda nodded silently, eyes still fixed on the corner, a bright green blob obscured his vision, the lime green paint of Kyou's cab seemed to have left an imprint on his mind.

"Um…" Mitsuko said. "Wanna go in?"

"What?" Matsuda said, looking up. "Oh yeah, in. Right."

They walked into the apartment building silently together, and climbed three staircases to the floor where they were staying. Once inside, Matsuda threw his jacket onto the couch, which Mitsuko flopped on top of.

"What a day, huh?" Mitsuko asked.

Matsuda nodded again, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"I can't believe they made me work this Saturday…I'm not even a greeter, that's that one American girl's job, Samantha or whatever her name is! Sick, yeah right. Why would you be sick on a Saturday. God, the Americans piss me off. So damn lazy." Mitsuko began to rant. She continued on for a few minutes about how one family had tried to order in French, and ended up saying something totally stupid. When she looked up, she noticed Matsuda standing at the kitchen counter. Both hands were placed on the edge, as if to anchor himself to it, and he was staring straight ahead with glassy eyes.

"Matsu…?"

He jumped.

"Wh—yeah?"

"Were you listening?"

"Yeah…the couple ordered the airplane in the swimming pool?"

Mitsuko smiled.

"Guess you were. Sorry, you just looked out of it again."

"I've just had a really…_really_…difficult day, Mitsuko. I'm sorry." Matsuda answered, bringing up a hand and rubbing the side of his head. At this, Mitsuko sat up straighter.

"Something wrong, Matsu?" she asked, her eyes displaying obvious concern.

"No…I don't want to trouble you."

"Right, you can't tell me anyway…..well, is there…I mean, can you tell me without giving away…?"

"It's Kira." Matsuda said suddenly, his voice flat. "He's killed another man."

"But he's killed hundreds of people, Matsu."

"But this one died _right in front of me_. I saw him, Mitsuko, I saw him collapse! Blood flew from his _mouth_, you've got no idea how terrifying that was."

Mitsuko was silent, so Matsuda continued.

"And it's not supposed to be terrifying! I'm trying to catch Kira, and like you said, he's killed millions, and I've just seen a man die and I'll probably never be over it. I'm not brave enough to be on the investigation team."

"Matsu." Mitsuko said, standing up. "You'd have to be a horrible, sick person if you're able to see someone die and be okay. Anybody would be frightened."

Matsuda scowled.

"But I'm not supposed to be. At least not as frightened as anyone else. I'm putting myself in extreme danger by working with L, I could be more vulnerable then some criminals, and yet, I see a man die and I nearly had a heart attack myself. You've got no idea what that's like!"

Mitsuko opened her mouth to reply, but she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Don't I?" she asked quietly. Matsuda's eyes widened in realization.

"Mitsuko, I'm sorry, I forgo—"

"Don't you remember how we met?" Mitsuko asked, her voice louder. "Trying to take the same cab, the day I was released from prison for KILLING FIVE PEOPLE! Matsuda, _I am the one who killed them!_ You did not kill that man, but I killed my three best friend and the parents of a nine year old! So don't you _dare_ tell me that I don't know what that feels like!"

Mitsuko hadn't realized she was yelling until after she had finished. Breathing heavily, she glared at Matsuda. Matsuda cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, I misspoke….I guess I'm just so stressed out because of the fact that you're considered a criminal in Kira's eyes due to that incident—"

"That too!" Mitsuko erupted again. "Matsuda, you know, I'd really like to have a relationship where my boyfriend isn't expecting me to keel over and die any moment!"

That set Matsuda off. He glared at her, and erupted as well, yelling back.

"I'm worried about you, Mitsuko! I'm just trying to protect you!"

"Matsuda, that incident was long ago, and the records of it weren't even that large! Kira will not find me, I'll be safe! Why do you have such a negative outlook on things?!" she paused to catch her breath. "This is not the Matsuda I fell in love with, you know. The Matsuda I fell in love with was happy and cheerful, not some freaky depressed pessimist!"

"Well, this is _me_ Mitsuko!" Matsuda said, grabbing his shirt collar and pulling it out towards her for emphasis. "If you didn't fall in love with this, then maybe you didn't really fall in love with me at all!"

Mitsuko's comeback was lost at these last words. Her eyes grew soft and began to shimmer.

"How could you say that?" she whispered. "Matsu, I love you….I do, and the fact that you doubt my feelings….I…that's just not right."

Mitsuko turned away from him.

"Aw, Mitsuko, please don't!" Matsuda said, grabbing a tissue from the box near the sink and running over to Mitsuko. When he tried to hand it to her, she turned away once more, back trembling as she tried to reduce her tears.

_Why are women so emotional? _Matsuda thought, troubled.

"Mitsuko…?"

"I need to be alone." she said, turning and walking into their bedroom, pulling the door closed behind her and locking it.

Matsuda stared blankly at it for a moment before turning around, sighing deeply.

_Guess I'll be on the couch tonight._


	4. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

**Yay…well…yeah…I'm actually trying to make this follow the plot line of the actual story, which is sort of difficult because I forgot about the interviews with L, and it's too late to go and put that back in, and the dates in Death Note are very specific. So utterly specific that I think the person who wrote it has some serious mental ISSUES. I thought I had the plot line right, until I figured out that Naomi Misora died on the 28****th**** of December and I was thinking,**

"…**what?!"**

**So...yeah! I'm totally re-writing it my own way and if you try to correct my plot line erros, I shall eat your dog.**

**Apology:**

**Sorry, this chapter is just sort of thrown together, I felt bad for not updating in so long. I promise, the next chapter will be better!**

**...no, it really, really sucks. This chapter is horrible. I'm sorry. And it has NO significant plot point.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Death Note belongs to those two people with similar last names…Ohba and Obata…I think…**

--

"_I swear to god, someday, I'm going to."_

_The boy sitting across from Matsuda laughed. It was a crisp December Saturday morning, not quite freezing, but cold enough to turn your cheeks pink and to see your breath floating away from your mouth. Matsuda and his best friend, Jordan, sat on a park bench together, talking about nothing in particular._

"_Yeah, right, Matsuda." scoffed Jordan, punching Matsuda's arm. "Like anybody would. Nobody here has a reason to."_

"_Somebody's gonna have to eventually." shrugged Matsuda. "They're all going to have to deal with it sooner or later." he said, very suddenly and flatly. "Every-single-one of 'em."_

"'_Kay, Matsuda, now you're getting creepy. You weren't serious about that, were you?"_

_Of course Matsuda was serious. He was 100, sure fire, dead serious. But he couldn't say that in front of just anyone, especially not Jordan._

"_Nah, Jordan, you know I wouldn't."_

Somewhere in a deep, unvisited corner of the adult Matsuda's mind, there were screams, and three echoing gunshots. His eyes flew open and he gasped suddenly, forehead drenched with cold sweat.

"Matsuda?"

Matsuda looked down to find his arm draped around Mitsuko's waist – she must have slipped in with him on the pull out bed in the living room sometime during the middle of the night, while Matsuda was still sleeping.

"Y-yeah, sorry, Mitsuko." Matsuda said, untangling himself from his bed sheets and sitting up against the back of the couch. "Bad dream, that's all."

"Oh. You alright?" Mitsuko asked, sitting up and scooting over next to him.

"Yeah…it wasn't that bad, just a stupid memory."

"Was it of…?"

"No, it wasn't about the man yesterday."

Mitsuko nodded.

"Listen, about yesterday, I'm sorry. I never should have yelled…I'd say I was PMSing pretty bad, but that'd just sound like a lame excuse."

Matsuda laughed.

"No, I'd believe you. And I was a jerk…but, let's not dwell on that…"

"Consider the subject dropped." Mitsuko said officially, nodding her head once.

There was a long, slightly uncomfortable silence, in which the pair of them stared blankly ahead, out of the window of their apartment, through which beams of sunlight penetrated.

"I'll make some coffee, okay?" Mitsuko offered, pulling back the covers and climbing out of the bed. The screeching of the mattress springs ground against Matsuda's ears, and he cringed.

"Now I remember why I never sleep here." he said, staring down at the lumpy, mattress. He had to endure the horrible sound of rusty springs once more as he climbed out of bed and joined Mitsuko in the kitchen.

Mitsuko was standing at the counter, pouring black steaming coffee into two mugs. A baby blue robe was wrapped tightly around her. Matsuda, who was wearing nothing more than a t-shirt and boxers, suddenly felt a chill. He looked out the window – small white specks of snow floated gently past, silently colliding with the ground.

_It was a crisp December Saturday morning, not quite freezing, but cold enough to turn your cheeks pink and to see your breath floating away from your mouth._

Matsuda gulped.

"What's the date?" he asked Mitsuko.

"Sunday the 4th. Why?"

"Just…wondering…" Matsuda mumbled, staring out the window, eyes as blank as the gray sky. Mitsuko walked over to him and gently pushed the steaming mug of coffee into his hands.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

The two walked over to their small kitchen table and sat down across from each other, silently sipping their drinks.

"So…" began Mitsuko, trying to strike up a conversation as she placed her mug down on the table. "Are you going to work late today?"

Matsuda shook his head.

"L gave us the day off."

Mitsuko gaped.

"Really?!"

Matsuda nodded as he took another sip of coffee.

"That's great, Matsuda! We can finally spend some time together!" Mitsuko was positively beaming. Matsuda couldn't help but smirk.

"OH MY GOSH, LET'S GO ICE SKATING!" Mitsuko suddenly gasped. "THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN."

Matsuda raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know how to ice skate."

"I'll teach you!"

"….okay."

"YAY! Let's go get dressed!"

And with that, Mitsuko slammed down her coffee mug and darted into her room, leaving an amused Matsuda behind her. He took one last sip of his coffee, and followed Mitsuko into their bedroom to change.

After half an hour of bundling up into warm clothing and calming an overly-enthusiastic Mitsuko down, Matsuda was climbing into his car and turning on the engine. After a try and a fail, Matsuda turned the keys once more and the engine sputtered to life.

_I need a new car._

"So, where's this place?"

"785 Umaki." Mitsuko said happily from the passenger seat.

Matsuda nodded in acknowledgement to her answer, and he backed out of their garage, pulled on to the street, and began to drive.

"This is going to be so much fun. I took ice skating lessons when I was little." Mitsuko said, pressing her forehead to the window, watching the speeding cars that flew by.

"Is that so?" Matsuda asked, just to amuse her. Mitsuko smiled and nodded.

"It was so cool." she replied, pulling her face away from the window and looking at Matsuda. "I totally dominated the rink."

"So did you just give it up?"

Mitsuko shook her head.

"I stopped after I broke my leg when I was twelve. I never really got back on track."

"Well, that's interesting…"

"What about you?"

"Me? I've never been ice skating before in my life."

Mitsuko smirked.

"This'll be interesting."

--------

The rink was inside, which Matsuda thought was absolutely pointless. It was cold enough outside to freeze an entire lake to its deepest point, why couldn't they just have the rink outside? But then again, the lobby outside of the rink was warmed and gave out free pastries, so he couldn't complain.

"How do you walk in these things?" Matsuda asked, stumbling as he made a vain attempt to stand up, ice skates wobbling beneath him.

"Just like you'd walk with normal shoes." Mitsuko said, taking his arm and steadying him. "It's easier than it looks."

Matsuda nodded, and began to walk to the entrance to the rink, ankles shaking. Once or twice he began to fall, but he steadied himself again before he painfully made contact with the ground.

Mitsuko was the first one to step onto the ice. She skated around the rink once with extreme agility and swiftness, weaving in and out the groups of other skaters.

_She makes it look so easy._ Matsuda thought, raising an eyebrow at Mitsuko as she slid to a stop in front of Matsuda.

"Come on in!" she encouraged.

Matsuda stepped into the rink and immediately grabbed the guide railing along the wall to steady himself.

"How do you do this?" he asked, trembling as he made an attempt to stand up. He stumbled, and grabbed the railing once more.

Mitsuko grabbed his arm and slowly pulled him away from the wall.

"Just go slow." she coached. "Little baby steps."

Matsuda nodded, and moved his skates forward slowly, bringing each one ahead of the other by mere inches – a very, very sad attempt at ice skating.

"You've got it…" Mitsuko said encouragingly as Matsuda clung to her arm.

"No, I don't." he said, laughing in spite of himself. "I really, really don't."

Mitsuko smiled as well.

"Just keep trying."

It took a whole hour and a half, but Matsuda gradually began to lessen his tight grip on Mitsuko's arm – eventually letting go completely. That was one huge accomplishment – now if only he could get a hang of this whole "skating" thing. Yes, he was "skating," but very poorly. People whizzed by him every second, including small children who looked like they shouldn't even be walking yet.

"Wow. I'm horrible."

Mitsuko, who was skating slowly alongside Matsuda with little effort, smiled.

"It's your first time. And I think you're pretty good."

"Compared to who?"

"Um…a drunk?"

Matsuda laughed. And, in doing so, he lost his balance, and found the rock hard ice connect with his back, not to mention the back of his head as well.

"Ow!"

A head appeared in front of him, but instead of Mitsuko, Matsuda found himself face to face with a small, curly-haired little girl.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a high-pitched voice.

"Uh…yeah." Matsuda said, pushing himself into a sitting position. He looked down to see two tiny pale hands attached to his arms, as if helping him get up. He brought a hand to the back of his head and pressed fingers against it gingerly, feeling the beginning of what would soon grow to be a large bump. Despite the pounding pain in the back of his head, he smiled at the girl.

"Thanks." he said. Mitsuko, who had been watching, crouched down beside Matsuda and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Aw, thanks so much for helping him sweetie." Mitsuko said softly. "That was a very nice thing for you to do."

The girl beamed, now obviously pleased with herself.

"You're welcome." she replied, before skating off.

Mitsuko turned to Matsuda.

"You okay?"

Matsuda shrugged.

"Sort of. I think that's enough skating for me for a while."

Mitsuko nodded, looking ever so slightly dazed. She turned around and watched the little girl skating away.

--------

Later the very same night, Matsuda sat on the couch in the living room of his apartment, flipping through the channels with one hand and holding an ice pack to the back of his head with another. Mitsuko walked into the room and flopped down on the couch as well, resting her head on his chest. Matsuda glanced down at her.

"Hey you."

"Hey, Matsuda."

They fell silent, the only noise in the room was the clicking of the TV remote.

Mitsuko closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

"Wouldn't it be nice…?"

Matsuda looked down at her, turning off the television.

"Wouldn't what be nice?"

"To have someone like her."

Matsuda looked down at Mitsuko, still not completely understanding what she meant.

"The little girl." Mitsuko explained, "At the ice rink. Wouldn't it be great to have a kid like her?"

Matsuda remained silent.

"So happy and helpful…not to mention adorable." Mitsuko continued, unsure of whether Matsuda was really listening. She then turned and looked at Matsuda.

"When we have kids, I want a little girl like her."

Matsuda was slightly taken aback by that last sentence.

"When we have kids?"

"Don't you want children?" asked Mitsuko, her head tilting slightly to her right, as if in curiosity.

"Well….yeah." Matsuda admitted. "But we're not even married."

"So?"

Matsuda smiled.

"Guess you're right. But we're really not ready for that…right?"

"No. We're really not ready for children, Matsuda…"

And suddenly, an idea was formed in Matsuda's mind.

--------

The next morning, Matsuda woke early, pressing his fingers to the side of Mitsuko's neck to check for a pulse, which he felt, strong and steady beneath his fingers. He showered and dressed quickly, grabbing a bagel from the kitchen and kissing a sleeping Mitsuko on the forehead before departing for work at headquarters.

It was quite a boring meeting, all they did the entire day was sit and watch Ryuuzaki, who also did nothing but sit and stare all day, his eyes darting back and fourth from the ice cream bowl in his hands to the television screen which was playing repeated loops of footage of the 12 recently killed F.B.I. agents over and over and over again. Every few hours, a member of the investigation team would speak out, and point to something on the video that wasn't supposed to be there, or looked out of place. Ryuuzaki either made a mental note of it or proved the said observation wrong. Once or twice during the day, Aizawa and Matsuda made eye contact, either shrugging nonchalantly or rolling their eyes in annoyance. Finally, the eternal day of absolute nothing-ness came to an and as Ryuuzaki climbed out of his chair and walked from the room, calling over his shoulder,

"You may leave."

The five men, Mogi, Matsuda, Aizawa, Yagami, and Ukita all stood up.

"Oh, that feels good." Ukita remarked as he stretched his arms to pull on his coat.

"Yeah. Especially after sitting still for so long." replied Yagami, also shrugging on his bulky winter coat over his work suit. The five of them departed slowly, leaving the room one by one until only Aizawa and Matsuda were left.

"Can't believe he made us sit here all day…thirteen hours of video footage, Jesus..." Aizawa mumbled. "Do you know how much we're even getting paid?"

Matsuda thought for a moment.

"Nope. Sorry…"

He glanced over his shoulder. Ryuuzaki was busy in the other room, questioning Watari about what types of sugary foods this hotel provided. They seemed busy enough, so...

"Hey, Aizawa?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you mind if I asked you…a sort of…personal question?"

Aizawa raised an eyebrow. At work, it was always 'Aizawa, did you receive that call,' or, 'Aizawa, did you forward those files to the members?' Never once did anyone ask him about his personal life. So he shrugged.

"Sure."

"Um…" Matsuda hesitated, face darkening ever so slightly. "What would you get your wife for Christmas?"

Aizawa was totally thrown off guard at that last question.

"Uh…well, we have a 6 month old, so probably something that she could do with him."

"Well, what would you get her _before_ you had children?"

"Uh…well…I don't really know, I guess something that she really was into or something nice and fancy…?"

Matsuda nodded, taking a mental note.

"And…um….well, I've got one more question…."

"Fire away."

"…how did you propose…to your wife?"

"Well, I asked her if she would marry me, and she said yes." Aizawa said plainly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Jeez, when Matsuda said personal, he sure as hell meant personal. Matsuda could tell that Aizawa was growing uneasy, so he simply nodded.

"Thank you, Aizawa-san."

Aizawa smiled.

"No problem. Say, Matsuda? You aren't planning on proposing to my wife anytime soon, are you?"

Matsuda laughed.

"Nah, it's just…"

His face grew blank and the second half of his sentence faded into nothing. Matsuda stared out the window with an unreadable expression, before turning to Aizawa, smiling weakly, and leaving the room.

Aizawa stared at the hotel door which Matsuda had just closed behind him.

_It's just __**what?**_


End file.
